Do Dogs Grieve? Understanding Canine Loss & Mourning

By Norma Jeanne Laurette

The Grieving Process

​We’ve all heard the saying, “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” That’s easy to say until dealing with the devastating pain of losing someone you love, animal or human. And for those who say, “It’s just a dog”, I feel bad for them to have never experienced the true, innocent, honest, pure and unconditional love that can only come from an animal. Love between people always comes with conditions but it’s different with dogs. Losing a pet, no matter the species, can be as excruciating as losing a person and for some people, even more so.

For those of you going through this, know that Greg and I understand your grief and our hearts go out to you. We’ve been there many times. I’ve always said that the only good thing that comes from losing a dog is that you learn more about yourself and what you need to heal but I take that back, because every loss is different, every one is extremely painful and there is no quick way through the grieving process. That said – there is always light at the end of the tunnel. 
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For many guardians, dogs are not just pets but instead beloved and valued members of the family. When a loved one (pet or person) passes away, the grief does not only affect the people left behind – as highly social, sensitive and perceptive animals, dogs can also experience a profound loss R1. Many guardians notice their dogs searching for their lost companion, showing signs of confusion, restlessness and even depression R2. Although dogs don’t grieve the same way we do, they can show emotional and behavioural changes that reflect their loss R3. While we can’t explain death to them, we can help our dogs and ourselves navigate through grief with compassion, patience and mutual comfort.

Signs Of A Dog Grieving

• Distress
• Depression
• Attention-getting behaviours
• Avoiding attention
• Clinginess
• Loss of appetite
• Decrease in activity
• Sleeping more
• Restlessness
• Pacing
• Searching 
• Whining
• Whimpering 
• Vocalizations unusual for the dog
• New housebreaking problems
• Change in grooming habits
• Destructive behaviour
• New or increase in fear
• Aggression
• Any changes in normal behaviour

These behaviours can appear immediately after the death or develop over days or weeks. It’s important not to dismiss them, as they are your dog’s way of coping with their loss.

One of the most effective things you can do for your dog is to be there for them as dogs thrive on routine and social connection R4. The loss of a loved one can disrupt both so keeping daily routines, meals, walks, bedtime as regular as possible can help your dog feel safe, secure and loved.

Many guardians focus so much on comforting their dogs that they overlook their own emotional needs. Be aware that you won’t be able to hide your feelings as dogs are highly in tune to our energy and emotions. Allowing yourself to grieve and express your sadness is important and contrary to what many believe, it is okay for your dog to see you cry however, if you lose control it can cause them distress, further upsetting them and harming their emotional wellbeing. R5

Some guardians wonder if it’s okay to allow a surviving dog see the other pet after they pass. While this is always a personal choice, Greg and I believe it helps our dogs understand that their companion is gone and can help their grieving process, however we’d never force them to do so R6 R7.

While it’s important to respect your dog’s grief, it’s also important to gently guide them back to their daily routines. Activities such as walks, canine enrichment options, healthy chew options, grooming or cuddling, playing fetch or play with a dog friend can help stimulate their minds, distract them from their grief and ease their anxiety R8. See my article entitled Canine Enrichment for more ideas. Engaging in activities with your dog can also help your grieving process as physical exercise and fresh air are also important for our wellbeing and spending time together can be comforting for both you and your dog R9. 

In times of grief all the rules about ignoring demands for attention are off the table. Until the worst has passed our dogs will need extra attention and nurturing. Now is the time for pampering and spending as much time as possible with your dog. Once things begin to return to normal, resource control rules can be put back in place. For information about Resource Control see our first book Blueprint To A Happy Dog R14.

If your dog is sociable, spending time with trusted people and canine friends can also help. Arrange visits and play dates with your dog’s friends, while making sure to not overwhelm them. Always allow your dog to set the pace. 
People often wonder if adopting another pet can help both them both heal R10. The answer to this question is different for each person in that it depends on a number of factors. 

Factors To Consider When Bringing In Another Companion

• If you’re considering bringing in a young, energetic puppy for a grieving senior dog or for a dog with low sociability or play drive, it could increase stress and anxiety for both of you instead of providing comfort.
• If your dog has chronic health issues, adding another dog could cause more harm than good.
• Does your dog enjoy the company of other dogs or merely tolerate them? If your dog doesn’t like meeting or playing with new dogs or if it’s shy or reactive, another dog may not be a good idea.
• If your dog likes other dogs but doesn’t enjoy play, a companion with a similar temperament might be a good fit.
• If your dog is deeply depressed, it may require more time before it’s ready to accept and enjoy the presence of another dog.
• Is the size of the new dog compatible with your grieving dog? Is it the same size or smaller?
• Is the energy level and temperament of the new dog a good match for your grieving dog?
• Are there any other pets in your home that might be negatively affected by the arrival of a new dog?
• Are both your grieving dog and your family members emotionally prepared for a new dog and to meet the needs of both dogs?
• Bringing a new dog into your home, no matter its age, requires careful introductions, training, exercise, attention and supervision. Is your entire family ready for these responsibilities?
• Can you afford the expenses associated with adding another dog?
• Do you have enough space (both indoors and outdoors) for another dog?
• Are the relationships within your home stable? Remember, stress or negativity in the household can negatively affect your dogs’ emotional wellbeing.
• Has your grieving dog shown fear, reactivity or aggression toward new dogs on walks or when they’ve come into your home?
• Can you create separate spaces to safely introduce the dogs gradually if required?
• If you’re unsure about any of these factors, consulting a positive, qualified canine behaviour expert can help you make the best decision for everyone involved.

Most dogs adjust to loss within a few weeks although some could take months. However, if your dog’s grief persists with severe depression or anxiety, refusal to eat or unusual withdrawal, you’ll need to rule out underlying health issues and consider calming aids to temporarily help reduce the anxiety. Some options include CBD oil (used with expert guidance), calming music, dog TV, calming scents, pheromone diffusers, safe natural supplements or anxiety wraps. Canine enrichment options including safe chew options to keep your dog occupied will also be beneficial.

Likewise, if your grief feels unmanageable you may want to reach out for support. Speak with trusted friends or family or reach out to a counsellor or grief support group R12. You don’t have to do this alone.

Grieving along with your dog can be healing for both of you. Both you and your dog need comfort and you can find strength in nurturing your dog through this difficult time. Keeping routines, spending time together, providing your dog with enrichment activities and allowing space for decompression and relaxation when needed can help you both move forward one day at a time.

Grief is the price we pay for love. By supporting your dog through the loss with patience, compassion and understanding, you not only honour the bond they had with the dog you lost but also the bond they have with you. Over time, you and your dog will find new moments of happiness together.

At the beginning of this article I mentioned that with even the most devastating loss there is always light at the end of the tunnel. The following is from my book Dog Hair On My Guitar.

Our Story

​Greg and I moved from Kitchener to the country in Eastern Ontario on August 31, 2015 with five dogs between us. By 2020 we had lost four of our dogs.
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It hurts so much to say goodbye but they are so worth it! Tala (Boo) was the last and we were with him when he died unexpectedly at home. Together and with his littermate Atka (Bubba) by our side, we buried him in our yard.

​The next day a truck drove up our driveway and the driver told us he was delivering a tree. He looked around at the hundreds of beautiful trees on our land then clarified that it was a memorial tree from a friend. It was a beautiful Autumn Blaze sapling for Tala. Greg planted the tree where we pass it every day while hiking Bubba and can see it when we sit outside every afternoon. We decided to grace its branches with the collars of not only Tala – but all four of the dogs we’ve lost since moving here. 

When Tala died he left behind his brother and littermate Atka (Bubba). Bubba grieved with us and he’d never been an only dog making it even harder for him. Tala was the last of my dogs and for the first time in forty years I didn’t have a dog at my feet. He was an amazing and talkative boy and after he died our home was far too sad and much too quiet. We decided that we were ready to welcome new puppies into our lives.
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When the time came to name our new Golden Retriever puppies, Greg named the boy Jaco after the late, famous bass player Jaco Pastorius, an inspirational figure to Greg. Our dog Jaco was born on the date of the musician’s death. I chose to name the girl after the Autumn Blaze tree, which has become a memorial to Tala, Sahara, Leia and Wile E. Coyote. Autumn Blaze was born the day Tala died.

​On July 27, 2022 we were hit by a tornado, which resulted in a lot of damage to our property and sheared off many of the large and healthy trees on our land but we were all unharmed and happy to see the Autumn Blaze sapling still standing. Our dogs often stop to sniff the collars of the dogs that went before them and when we sit outside, one of the ID tags on the tree will flash at us, almost as though one of them is saying hello. Greg likes to check to see which one it is. 

Thank you to all the amazing dogs whose collars remain on that tree and the dogs still with us! Losing a dog is very hard but we have to accept the fact that sometimes life sucks! And with every death there is re-birth, something new and beautiful waiting to grow. We just need to believe in the process and embrace it, knowing that even though it hurts like hell and will take time – they are worth it and we will find happiness again!

References

R1:  Bradshaw, J. W. S. (2011). Dog Sense: How the New Science of Dog Behavior Can Make You A Better Friend to Your Pet. Basic Books.
R2: Archer, J., & Winchester, G. (1994). Bereavement among dog owners: The loss of a companion animal. Omega, 29(3), 249–271.
R3: McMillan, F. D. (2019). Mental Health and Well-Being in Animals. CABI.
R4: Overall, K. L. (2013). Manual of Clinical Behavioral Medicine for Dogs and Cats. Elsevier.
R5: Horowitz, A. (2010). Inside of a Dog: What Dogs See, Smell and Know. Scribner.
R6: Bekoff, M. (2007). The Emotional Lives of Animals. New World Library.
R7: Coren, S. (2012). Do Dogs Understand Death? Psychology Today.
R8: Lindsay, S. R. (2000). Handbook of Applied Dog Behavior and Training. Wiley-Blackwell.
R9: Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Boerner, K. (2017). Cautioning health-care professionals: Bereaved persons are misguided through the stages of grief. Omega, 74(4), 455–473.
R10: Hart, B. L. (2010). The Loss of a Pet. Wiley-Blackwell.
R11: Overall, K. L. (2013). Manual of Clinical Behavioral Medicine for Dogs and Cats. Elsevier.
R12: Worden, J. W. (2018). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner. Springer.
R13: Laurette. NJ. Dog Hair On My Guitar. (2021) https://dogtrainingcareers.com/product/dog-hair-on-my-guitar/
R14: Laurette. NJ. & Ceci.Greg. Blueprint To A Happy Dog. (2019). https://dogtrainingcareers.com/product/blueprint-to-a-happy-dog/

Photos By Norma Jeanne Laurette